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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29399505">Jean Kirstein Is Not Brave</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/cellophane_flower/pseuds/cellophane_flower'>cellophane_flower</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff and Angst, Grief/Mourning, M/M, Mutual Pining?, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan Manga Spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 09:35:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>887</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29399505</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/cellophane_flower/pseuds/cellophane_flower</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A short fic about Jean reminiscing and coming to terms with his love for Marco.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>19</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Jean Kirstein Is Not Brave</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Please enjoy!</p><p>{The parts that are in between dashes (-) are flashbacks}</p><p>I apologise in advance if there are any mistakes but I checked and double checked and triple checked it</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Marco..."</p><p>"...may I touch you?" Jean asks as he kneels in front of where Marco's, and several other fallen soldiers', lifeless bodies had been burned, just a couple of days earlier.</p><p>- "Touch me?" Marco echoes. Jean nods. Marco looks down at the floor.</p><p>"S-sure" He stutters. Jean's fingers come up to Marco's face, his fingertips gently graze the taller boy's freckled right cheek -</p><p>Jean's shaky hand reaches out to stroke the charred wood.</p><p>- Marco pushes Jean away playfully.</p><p>"That tickles" he giggles. Jean pushes him back just as gently. Marco pushes again, harder this time. Jean pushes even harder. The freckled boy tumbles to the ground, pulling Jean down with him. Marco laughs sweetly. Jean's face flushes and he looks away "Marco, I'm sorry...I didn't mean to push you that hard," he apologises "Marco?"</p><p>Marco looks up at him. Jean's hands reach out to the other boy's face again. Jean utters out "Y-your hair is a mess" His fingers brush Marco's hair so that it's parted, somewhat neatly, in the middle again.</p><p>"Get off of me! You're heavy" Marco hisses, trying to push Jean off of him. Jean stands up and pulls Marco up by his hand.</p><p>"We should head back. It's quite late, I bet everyone is already asleep" Marco says. Jean hums in response. The two of them walk back to the dorm where the other boys are already asleep. They get changed and hop into bed. Jean lifts his quilt to find a pile of pungent horse manure. Jean's jaw drops. He quickly sets the quilt back over it. As pissed as he is, it's far too late and he is far too tired to deal with that right now. So he pads over to Marco's bed who is just getting comfy when he sees Jean approaching.</p><p>"Jean? What are you doing over here?"</p><p>"There is horse shit in my bed" he whispers to a sleepy Marco. Marco stifles a laugh.</p><p>"Really?"</p><p>"Yeah, it smells so bad" he explains. Marco lifts his quilt and shifts over.</p><p>"Getting in?" he asks. Jean smiles and climbs in.</p><p>"Thank you"</p><p>Marco quickly falls asleep. They had been training hard all day, however, Jean can't fall asleep. He is happy to be in bed though, even if it isn't his own. Once he hears Marco's soft snoring, he turns over to face the brunette. It's dark but not too dark. It's mid-summer so the nights are lighter. He can just about make out Marco's gentle facial features.</p><p>"Marco" he whispers. Marco stirs a little before stilling again.</p><p>"I-" Marco shifts again, opening his eyes a crack. Jean slaps a hand over his own mouth.</p><p>Marco mumbles "Mmm...Jean?" He yawns before asking "What were you going to say?"</p><p>"Um...goodnight?" He stutters.</p><p>"Oh, goodnight Jean"</p><p>The two of them sleep peacefully until 6:00am.</p><p>Jean rolls out of bed and heads out of the dorm to wash-up. He is met with a grinning Eren.</p><p>Jean just ignores him. Marco walks in and starts washing up next to Jean.</p><p>"Good morning" he greets them. They mumble groggily in response.</p><p>"So, Jean, I heard that you shit the bed" Eren laughs.</p><p>"I did not. There was just horse shit in my bed" He responds. Marco laughs a little.</p><p>Eren frowns "You're not all that bright, are you?"</p><p>Jean's eyebrows furrow before softening. He scowls at Eren "I'm not a horse, dammit!"</p><p>"Whatever, horseface"</p><p>He sticks his middle finger up at Eren before leaving. -</p><p>Jean looks up at the sky, letting out a sigh.</p><p>"That night...I didn't really mean goodnight. Though when I said it, I felt relieved...because you said it back" He laughs a little before carrying on "Honestly, I thought you had me all figured out. I thought you knew what I really wanted to say. Looking back, that was ridiculous for me to think. You're human, after all" He pulls his knees to his chest, hugging them tightly.</p><p>"I meant to say that I love you...like more than just a friend" He admits, a rosy blush spreading across his cheeks and painting the tips of his ears.</p><p>"And even if you didn't love me back, in the same way, I wouldn't mind staying with you for the rest of my life, just as friends. You are the type of friend anybody is lucky to have. I'm really glad I got to know you. I love you, Marco" he says as he gets up. He turns to leave and is met with Eren who has tears brimming in his eyes. He quickly wipes them away when Jean's eyes meet his.</p><p>"Did you...?" Jean starts but doesn't finish. The back of his throat is aching. He wants to cry but not in front of Eren.</p><p>Eren answers "Yeah...I heard" Jean sighs and walks past Eren. The shorter boy grabs his arm to stop him. "Jean, that was very brave...I mean, saying all that"</p><p>Jean just shrugs.</p><p><em>Is it really brave?  </em>Jean thinks.</p><p>
  <em>I never told him any of that when he was alive. Only now, when I know he can't respond or even hear me. That way, I'm saving myself from rejection, from judgement, from any bad reaction that I might have got from him. </em>
</p><p>
  <em>I am selfish.</em>
</p><p>
  <strong> <em>And I am far from brave.</em> </strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is my first JeanMarco fic and my first fic on AO3 altogether. </p><p>I hope you liked it &lt;3</p><p>I am also on Wattpad by the name _cellophaneflower_</p><p>Let me know in the comments if I should do a second part to this {Which will probably focus on Jean deciding to join the Survey Corps - but please also suggest something you'd like to see and I might be able to write it. It just might take me a while because I am really behind on schoolwork and I'm in my final year so the grades I get will determine whether I have to do re-sits in college}</p></blockquote></div></div>
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